My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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