No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
