she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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