Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
