yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
