I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
