y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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