Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
