ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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