i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The ass gains better be worth it
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