i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
