i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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