You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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