I'm laying in your front yard are you home
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize