don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
