I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
