just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
