I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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