i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
