I wish I could punch you in the face.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize