I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
