life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
