I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
