I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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