the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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