The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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