at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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