real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's Friday. Sex?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
