whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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