the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
