Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
