So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Randomize
