Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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