there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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