just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
