The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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