this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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