then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i now understand why vodka
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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