So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
