i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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