Your face is a jimmy john
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
