Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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