tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
