i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
