So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
