I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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