Cold hands, warm shart.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize