And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
