I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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