Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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