dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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