I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Did you just see the Batmobile???
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize