I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
