I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
