I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
