I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
