So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
