nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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