if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
