Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
