I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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