I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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