You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
