shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
