i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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