Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
