Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
