Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
