Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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