"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
